A Brother Too Far

A Brother Too Far.

Assalamu ‘Alaikum,

Being born amongst the youngest in a family of eleven means in adulthood I’m usually spared most of the heads of family duties when it comes to marriage of siblings etc. However things changed when you marry a girl who is amongst the eldest in her family. I married the eldest girl in a family of seven. So when the youngest brother but one, in her family is to be married I found myself promoted in my station in life. I am now a rookie Head of Engagement Delegation on behalf of my young brother in law. At times like this you’d wish MPH will stock your wish list Dummy books like “Head of Bertunang Delegation for Dummies”.

If my brother in law decided to marry someone in Perak or even culturally awesome Negeri Sembilan I wouldn’t have really baulked, but he had of course to choose to marry someone in Limbang Sarawak, a sweet girl he met at a Polytechnic in Kuching.

Fine, so what do I know of Limbang putting aside the Head of Delegation fears for the time being. The ladies in my wife’s family came into the fore when it comes to engagement ‘perhantaran’ and all that. I suspected my wife and her sister had gone to secret night classes for Malay engagements and wedding with their detailed knowledge of what to do which impressed me no end. I was of course already practicing my head of delegation speech in my head. I sought tips from various sifus in my extended family of course, and what came through was the “menyambung silatarrahim’ phrase which I’m told and I found is a natural winner in the scheme of things.

And it was indeed a ‘menyambung silaturrahim’ event indeed on the day of the engagement. My three youngish children found themselves on a journey again having weathered Europe, Johor Baru, Lenggong and now Brunei and Limbang all in a space of four weeks from the start of their school holidays in November. I told them that even before their teacher asked Papa wants a travelogue of what they did during their school holidays in my constant effort to sharpen their English language skills. Adlin went off tangent with a Korean teen age love story, Zahir started page one and sort of took a long break since, and Adila secretive as always, not willing to show me until she has completed the exercise.

I digress; we thanked Air Asia for the huge savings in family flight to Brunei which now include my sister in law and her primary school going daughter, and dad in law and mum in law. We checked in into a family hotel in Bandar Seri Bagawan and waited for my sis in law to be to make the connection. We had no idea in which direction Limbang is and how to get there. Naively I offered we take a taxi there but I’m glad we didn’t, as direction-telling wise to the taxi driver it may have been a bit complicated. Her uncle and son came with two SUVs and we breathed a sigh of relief. And that was where I learnt about a family separated by historical boundary decisions.

We knew she was from Limbang but we had no clue of the family relationships with Brunei. For those whose East Malaysia geography is a bit vague, Limbang is the strip of Sarawak, Malaysian land that splits Brunei into two separate parts. Yes, no land access between Bandar Seri Bagawan Brunei and Temburong Brunei, Malaysia goes straight to the coast. You sought of feel for the Bruneians, for the split of their country into two separate halves, but Wikipedia immediately eased my guilt feelings when I learnt it wasn’t us Malaysians who did the splitting but some White Rajahs well, well before us. We all know of course that at some point in time, in days gone by, the Sultanate of Brunei actually covered almost the whole of Borneo.

I was surprised to learn that my sis in law to be’s father is the only brother this side of the border whereas most or all other brothers and members of his family are on the other side. They or their fathers were all residents of Kampung Lumapas which was split into two when they set the border between Brunei and Malaysia. So I imagined my Kampung Sira in Lenggong Perak split between two countries, Pak Lang Ibrahim’s house which is just a shouting distance away is now in country A, whereas me and my gramps in country B, though I could throw a rubber ball that would go through Pak Lang Ibrahim’s window if I wanted to. Well that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s what Kampung Lumapas residents found themselves facing in that boundary-placing year.

Many brothers thus carry Brunei Passports while my sis in law to be’s father and his entirely family carries Malaysian Passports. Now if you understand the economics between Brunei citizens and Limbang citizens you would wish to draw attention to the Malaysian authorities that it is long overdue they do Limbang citizens right, and make them proud to be Malaysians. The Zahid family will do our part with the sillaturahim of marriages etc, but the powers that be need to buck up and do the rest.

Back to the engagement event, praise be to God all went well yesterday. I didn’t do too badly I think, and hoped. As everybody was happy and smiling I presumed I had not grossly offended anyone by any rookie mistakes, and I think they liked my regaling of Islamic finance teaching tales in safari Africa and all. I knew that is always a fall back I can rely on. Alhamdulillah armed with this invaluable experience I’m now ready in sya Allah to handle more of such events as I may have to, for fatherless nieces and all. In sya Allah and Alhamdulillah.

Zahid.

C72